The Book Thing I Want To Say

I’ve no illusions of moving the needle on this. And no one prodded me. I write this of my own accord.

A client of mine, Sam Jolman, recently released his first book - The Sex Talk You Never Got. I remember initial conversations with him about this book idea, and my initial feelings that such a book is sorely needed. The sex talk I got from my dad was well-intentioned but scored a C+, maybe, and the talk I had with my son a B-, maybe. I believed men needed Sam’s book. And I still believe that.

In the wonky world of publishing, non-fiction books often have a foreword—a page or two written by someone who 1) is a notable name, one that will draw attention to the book, and 2) approves of the book’s message. That there is often a personal relationship of some kind between author and foreword-writer is not uncommon. When the question was raised about Sam’s book, the name John Eldredge rose to the top. John has had a significant influence on Sam, one beginning years ago as Sam was just starting his own journey to becoming a man. In some circles, John would be referred to as a “spiritual father.” John Eldredge is an author in his own right, probably most widely known for the book Wild At Heart, a bestselling and also quite controversial book as the years have grown long. In terms of that book and its message—what it means to be a man, and also how that corresponds to being a woman—you either like John Eldredge or you don’t.

I will cut to the chase. John Eldredge was chosen to write the foreword for Sam’s book. Sam knew that decision could cause waves, and so he intentionally sought out the review and feedback from other authors, such as Sheila Gregoire, who hold distinctly differing views. Sam got that feedback on his book, and in the case of Sheila, it was glowing. She loves what Sam has written and has publicly endorsed his book.

"I didn't realize how healing a book like this would be until I read it. This book brought me to tears--in a good way. As a woman who is constantly trying to convince the wider Christian culture that it is possible for men to look at a woman without objectifying her; that lustfulness is not a synonym for masculinity; that men are capable of deep and intimate relationships too, to hear a man say it is so refreshing. This book is what the church needs. It cuts through the lies that have kept men trapped in addictions and compulsions while being walled off from real relationship, and points a Jesus-centered picture of what authenticity, peace, and victory look like. Thank you, Sam.”

Sheila Wray Gregoire, author of The Great Sex Rescue

Still, the presence of “foreword by John Eldredge” on the cover has caused pause on the part of some readers and adamant avoidance on the part of potential others.

I have an ask, and a thought. First, the ask. If you’ve read Sam’s book, I would encourage you to leave an Amazon or Goodreads review. Notice I did not say “if you liked it,” but “if you’ve read it.” I don’t believe you can say a ding dong damn about a book and/or its message if you haven’t read it. The same goes for films, movies, plays, music, speeches, sermons, any artistic endeavor. That doesn’t mean you don’t read reviews and proceed at times with caution, but firsthand experience is always the name of the game. Always. Don’t let a “foreword by” stop you, dear reader. While a part of the book, it is not the book, in the same way that Sam is not John.  

And here’s the thought. If “foreword by John Eldredge” causes you concern, and that is completely fair based on some of the stories I’ve heard and read, then I, Sam’s literary agent, empower you to pull a Robin Williams/Mr. Keating/Dead Poets, and “rip it out.” Take a ruler, line up the tear, and rip out the foreword. Rip, rip, rip! If that’s what enables you to get to this vital message for men and boys and women and mothers and humans (for that matter), then do it. As Sam writes, men are lovers, and the confusion and clouding of that essential message is tied to so many of our current struggles if not problems. Far from claiming to have all the answers, Sam is inviting you into the conversation. And I am too.