Meredith Lee and I will mark 32 years of marriage in a few days, June 30th to be exactamundo. 32 years, that’s a lotta years. How do you stay married for that long? Beats me. I’m serious, I don’t know. I’ve never read a “marriage” book cover to cover. I think I started
“How do you make a book that anyone will read out of lives as quiet as these? Where are the things that novelists seize upon and readers expect? Where is the high life, the conspicuous waste, the violence, the kinky sex, the death wish? Where are the suburban infidelities, the promiscuities, the convulsive divorces, the alcohol, the drugs, the lost weekends? Where are the hatreds, the political ambitions, the lust for power? Where are speed, noise, ugliness, everything that makes us who we are and makes us recognize ourselves in fiction?”
"God's honest truth" is a phrase that comes to mind when I read your words. We are a few years ahead of you two on the marriage timeline, but there have been a few years we marked an anniversary heaving a heavy sigh with the realization we simply made it one more day. Those one more days add up though. Happy Anniversary for each new day.
John I am glad you two made it. Very glad. Your telling of this story is sanity producing and kind. Thank you. We raise our glass to more than survival. Crossing to Safety is in my top ten.
Also, I agree with you about simply scheduling a counseling appointment (shhhh).
Staying married is hard. Talking about it out loud makes it (a tiny bit) easier..... We're coming up on 49 years on the 14th--you're in good company, John.
32 years married is something to celebrate, even if you come crawling in on your hands and knees bloodied and bruised from the journey. Crossing To Safety has been on my shelf for a few years now—I think it just moved to the nightstand stack. Ya’ll aren’t alone. Grief can break us in some of the same ways betrayal can. And those of us who live mostly by feel are particularly endangered by its sucker-punch. Cheering you two onward for however many more years God gives.
Re: marriage books - I’m REALLY enjoying Finding the Hero inYour Husband by Juli Slattery right now. Not done with it. But am gonna, and want, to finish it.
I love your writing, John. I read Stegner last year and it blew me out of the water. The other one about marriage that I loved is L'Engle's A Two Part Invention.
Sighing after reading this. Sometimes bring a feeler is a bitch. Grateful that our fellow June 32-ers are making the daily choice to keep on the rails. Peace, love, and courage to you both.
Those words about having marriage counseling on the calendar, saying you’re trying to make it work— that’s been our experience as well. June 28 we celebrate 19 years, and I’m going to borrow that “gratitude for wanting to stay married as much as anything.” Thanks for this, all of it.
Yeah. That paragraph three. When you're in the midst of it... just, damn. There's no other word but that. Thanks for finding a way to celebrate pleasure.
Ah, John. This IS marriage. The good, the hard, the ugly. Our sojourn with counsel hit sooner than yours - about year 26 - when we were going thru massive change that brought its own kind of grieving: I was finishing seminary, our kids were leaving home (one for a way-too-early marriage that left her a widow with three sons at age 40), and we were completely redefining roles and relationship. It helped, yes, it helped. But we began to see each other again - for who we were at that point in time - and realized we belonged to each other in ways we could not belong to anyone else, ever. And that was worth it. We are at 56.5 and holding.
Congratulations on 32 years! This was beautifully written and with such honesty. You didn't have to share all that but those of us reading and further behind you on the marriage path (celebrating 13 years in 2 weeks) are grateful for it.
Crossing to Safety is one of my favorite books.
“How do you make a book that anyone will read out of lives as quiet as these? Where are the things that novelists seize upon and readers expect? Where is the high life, the conspicuous waste, the violence, the kinky sex, the death wish? Where are the suburban infidelities, the promiscuities, the convulsive divorces, the alcohol, the drugs, the lost weekends? Where are the hatreds, the political ambitions, the lust for power? Where are speed, noise, ugliness, everything that makes us who we are and makes us recognize ourselves in fiction?”
"God's honest truth" is a phrase that comes to mind when I read your words. We are a few years ahead of you two on the marriage timeline, but there have been a few years we marked an anniversary heaving a heavy sigh with the realization we simply made it one more day. Those one more days add up though. Happy Anniversary for each new day.
John I am glad you two made it. Very glad. Your telling of this story is sanity producing and kind. Thank you. We raise our glass to more than survival. Crossing to Safety is in my top ten.
Also, I agree with you about simply scheduling a counseling appointment (shhhh).
Staying married is hard. Talking about it out loud makes it (a tiny bit) easier..... We're coming up on 49 years on the 14th--you're in good company, John.
I'm glad you're writing here, John. Thank you. And Meredith Lee.
32 years married is something to celebrate, even if you come crawling in on your hands and knees bloodied and bruised from the journey. Crossing To Safety has been on my shelf for a few years now—I think it just moved to the nightstand stack. Ya’ll aren’t alone. Grief can break us in some of the same ways betrayal can. And those of us who live mostly by feel are particularly endangered by its sucker-punch. Cheering you two onward for however many more years God gives.
Re: marriage books - I’m REALLY enjoying Finding the Hero inYour Husband by Juli Slattery right now. Not done with it. But am gonna, and want, to finish it.
I love your writing, John. I read Stegner last year and it blew me out of the water. The other one about marriage that I loved is L'Engle's A Two Part Invention.
Sighing after reading this. Sometimes bring a feeler is a bitch. Grateful that our fellow June 32-ers are making the daily choice to keep on the rails. Peace, love, and courage to you both.
Those words about having marriage counseling on the calendar, saying you’re trying to make it work— that’s been our experience as well. June 28 we celebrate 19 years, and I’m going to borrow that “gratitude for wanting to stay married as much as anything.” Thanks for this, all of it.
Yeah. That paragraph three. When you're in the midst of it... just, damn. There's no other word but that. Thanks for finding a way to celebrate pleasure.
Thank you John!
Congratulations on 32 years. So appreciate your transparency, John.
Ah, John. This IS marriage. The good, the hard, the ugly. Our sojourn with counsel hit sooner than yours - about year 26 - when we were going thru massive change that brought its own kind of grieving: I was finishing seminary, our kids were leaving home (one for a way-too-early marriage that left her a widow with three sons at age 40), and we were completely redefining roles and relationship. It helped, yes, it helped. But we began to see each other again - for who we were at that point in time - and realized we belonged to each other in ways we could not belong to anyone else, ever. And that was worth it. We are at 56.5 and holding.
Congratulations on 32 years! This was beautifully written and with such honesty. You didn't have to share all that but those of us reading and further behind you on the marriage path (celebrating 13 years in 2 weeks) are grateful for it.
Marriage is a roller coaster of highs and lows, in love and out. The trick is sticking. Not bailing. Congrats!